How Well Do I know me?

            This week I was tasked with the responsibility of completing three communication quizzes and ask two other individuals to complete the same quizzes in order to assess my perception of myself and others’ perception of me.

            As it turns out, I know exactly who I am because the results were the same by all three individuals. I asked a co-worker and a close friend and it appears they both thought the same about me given the results.  --I am a People-oriented listener; my communication anxiety is situational (public speaking, presentations, etc.); My verbal aggressiveness is such that can influence others without personal attacks because I respect their thoughts and opinions even if I might not necessarily agree with them. 

            I take a lot of time to reflect on my life, encounters, and relationships that not much surprised me.  Reflection has a way of revealing information to you at the most random of times… sitting at my desk, watching TV, reading a book, talking to a friend... I enjoy reflecting because it keeps me relaxed… it helps me relieve stress… it makes me wise…

            I thought it was funny that the test said that I was trustful of others            when I know for sure that I am not.  I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, true, so I believe that is what was meant.  I do believe that my people-oriented listening skills are the reasons I find it easy to step into others’ shoes and respect them. 

Communication is becoming an intriguing subject for me; realizing that it is such an innate part of my life was empowering because it confirmed that I decide the course of my encounters.

My Communication

My Communcication

            Do I communicate differently with different groups of people? Who doesn’t?

We have family, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins…. Then there are your friends, best friends, close friends, and acquaintances…. Then there are your colleagues and your boss, supervisors, etc. …

            Your family gets the respectful but informal type of communication… then when you think of your elders and your siblings and cousins who are your age they get the same communication your friends would… completely informal and relaxed, friendly and warm.

Your colleagues could get both a formal and informal type of communication depending on the situation.

Your boss depending on the relationship you share will always have a respectful and formal response from you.  Personally my boss and I share a personal relationship, as a result depending on the setting and the context in which we are communicating she may get a formal response in a meeting but when I am at her house for dinner there is a much less formal atmosphere.

So my communication style changes with context, settings, situations, and relationships.  Being a chameleon is what makes me a competent communicator.

Communication: LUTHER

This week I decided to watch Luther, season 1 episode 1.  The show opens with a white man running.  His facial expressions give the impression that he is scared.  He is in a place that looks like a warehouse and is running up.  The next scene shows a fire truck and police cars pulling up giving you the impression that they might be after the guy running.  I then see a black man running up as well following the white man.  Recognizing why the white man is running I automatically assume that the black man is a policeman.  The white man reaches a point where no doors will open and when he tries to cross over a ledge to find an escape route; the black man corners him.  They exchange some words and the white guy grabs a metal bar as a weapon  but when he runs to hit the black guy, a piece of the ledge gives from under him … SWOOSH… and he is now hanging, holding on to a bar for dear life.

            Thinking the black man was going to help up was incorrect.  He tells him something and the white guy shakes his head and he begins to stomp in anger… BANG BANG BANG... close the man’s hands.  The white guy says something that makes the black guy get on the phone and that is when I realized that the fire truck and police cars are not at the same place (warehouse) the men are.  He is on the phone with another white man and woman, while looking down at the white man.  He holds on to his face indicating that he is experiencing something emotionally distressing or extreme anger.  The black man must have said something to the people in the neighborhood where the police cars were because they ran into a house and started to look for something… They pulled a little girl out of a box and began to give her CPR; when she starts to breathe again it is visible that everyone takes a sigh of relief.  The scene comes back to the man on the ledge and now I believe it is obvious that he is begging for his life but the black man lets him fall to his death. 

            Watching the show on mute, I deduce that the Black man chasing the man along with the white man and woman in the neighborhood are policemen.  They are clearly after the man running because he has kidnap and little girl and stuffed her in a box. What I did not understand is why he did not help the man and allowed him to fall.  When I listened to the clip, I realized I was correct in my assumption and realized that the black man “Luther” let “Henry” hang on the ledge in order to get information out of him.  When he got where the girl was and the girl was alive, he listed three of the girls Henry had killed and watched him fall to his death.  This exercise proves that nonverbal cues are more prevalent in language than verbal cues because I was able to correctly assess the turn of events with no words.  The words simply confirmed and turned my theories into facts.

Youtube clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPJX27bBDp4

Competent Communication

When thinking of 'competent communication' one must realize that "it needs to be both effective and appropriate." Effective in that the cultural, situational, contextual aspect are taken into account and the message is delivered through the proper channel; in addition to the message itself being appropriate for the cultural setting, situation, and context in which the communicators are immersed  (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012)  
With that said, one person that communicates well and demonstrate competent communication is my father when lecturing his children.  He is always calm and seldom yells.  He always addressed the issue head on and explains to us why we are yet again being lectured.  He respects the fact that we have different ideas and listens to them prior to explaining why in our family certain behaviors are unacceptable.  Now that a majority of us are in adulthood, even when he disagrees, he never makes us feel that our differing ways of thinking is somewhat less then.  He simply respects that we are adults and have a different opinion than he does.
I would love to have the ability to remain calm like he does when discussing issues that I am passionate about.  I have also learned from him how to respect others' opinions even when they differ from mine.  I have learn how to be fair to others and to myself and continue to learn from him on a daily basis.
I would love to mimic my father's communication style because his integrity is reflected in his interactions. Reference
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.